Is not friendship divine in this?
by Victorious Spirit
Summary: Is Mary hell-bent on self-destruction? Are her new friends heaven-sent? The last two chapters are up. Thanks to everyone for the reviews. Please let me know if you liked the ending.
1. Problems

This is set in "the East" after Mary's finished her flight attendant training.  
  
This is part one of my first attempt at a multi-part story – be kind.  
  
I don't own these characters and wouldn't want to. They are the sole property of the WB or Brenda Hampton – I think.  
  
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She stretched her feet in front of her. Leaning back on the sofa, her back aching, her feet throbbing, she tried to beat down her doubts about her career choice - her most recent choice. She wasn't sure why she'd thought this would be different. It had seemed like it would be fun. She liked being with people, feeling helpful. She just hadn't been prepared for the monotony that came with the job.  
  
The training had been okay. Not exciting, but okay. Everyone had been friendly enough, but somehow she hadn't quite fit in any of the little groups that formed. It wouldn't have mattered now, anyhow, because the new flight attendants weren't usually assigned to the same flight.  
  
She glanced over at the table. The only mail that had arrived since she'd last been home was a bunch of bills. She regretted splurging on the new clothes when she'd first arrived, but at the time the salary had seemed huge. She hadn't taken into account how costly it would be to have her own apartment. Maybe she should look for a roommate. This apartment was really too expensive for one person.  
  
Her next flight would be out to Puerto Rico. They'd just added that route in May. The more senior flight attendants tended to avoid it because no one had family there. Of course, using their buddy passes was something else.  
  
She looked over at the phone, trying to decide if the effort of pulling herself up from the sofa would be outweighed by the pleasure of talking to her family. She corrected herself. It wasn't a pleasure talking to her family, it was just better than the alternative: having them call her with the hidden - and not-so-hidden - reproaches for not keeping in touch.  
  
With a slight groan she put her feet on the floor and headed towards the phone. Picking it up she couldn't hear a dial tone. She pressed down the receiver, but there was no change. Glancing at the table she noticed that one of the bills – one in a red bordered envelope – was from the phone company. Well, at least she wouldn't have to talk to her parents.  
  
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Dressing for work the next morning, she ripped her last pair of regulation beige nylons. Fighting to keep her temper, she pulled the ruined pair off her legs and searched for something that would approximate. There was an off-white pair, maybe that would do. No, not really. She could probably buy one at the store if she hurried.  
  
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Running into the Whelan's around the corner she grabbed several pairs out of the rack. She cut in front of a man with a basket full of items. He scowled at her. She ignored him. That, at least, she'd perfected in the last month of work.  
  
She waited impatiently in line. The person in front of her was fiddling with her change, counting out pennies. Pennies, for G**'s sake. One … two … three … four … five … six … seven. Chatting, saying what a nice day it was.  
  
Her turn. Finally. The clerk scanned the first package. The scanner didn't read it properly the first time. The clerk tried again. She moved rather languidly. Mary started tapping her feet involuntarily. The clerk looked up, raising an eyebrow at her, annoyed. Did she scan in the next pair even more slowly? Mary pursed her lips, willing herself not to give the clerk an excuse to further delay her. The sale price hadn't shown up, but she was in too much of a rush to ask for a price check. She handed over her card. The clerk swiped it through the machine. She paused and glanced at the screen.  
  
"It won't go through" she said.  
  
"Well, try it again." Mary couldn't quite keep the impatience out of her voice.  
  
Raised eyebrows again. Card dragged through the machine.  
  
"It says there's no further credit." She'd raised her voice slightly to the amusement of the customer Mary had cut in front of. Mary started to protest, then remembered the pile of bills. She had some cash and paid for two packages – enough to last the flight there and back if she was careful.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She arrived at the airport on time – just. She'd already received a warning about arriving late. She couldn't afford to do that too often. Her sister and she had joked about flight attendants missing flights, but they were required to be in the airport long before the flight took off. She passed by the security guard who, used to her last minute appearance, smiled and gave her bag only a passing glance before waving her through. He was really cute. She wondered about giving him her number.  
  
She started going through her check list of items. One vegetarian meal, two kosher meals. Not too difficult. She noted their seat numbers. She'd given a sausage dinner instead of a kosher meal to someone on her last flight. She hoped he hadn't complained.  
  
She heard someone else come in. Must be the other flight attendant. I hope it's not Anderson, she thought.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
Mary was surprised to see a young woman about her own age. She had bouncy blonde hair, pulled back from her face as requited under company regulations, but it wasn't the type of hair that obeyed company regulations as a general rule. It made her seem so much more approachable than the serious, earnest young men and women with whom Mary had trained.  
  
"Hi," she said. (Okay, a little perky, but still probably a nice change).  
  
"Hi, I'm Mary."  
  
"I'm Rachel. I guess you're new?"  
  
"I finished training a couple of months ago. This is my first Puerto Rico flight."  
  
"Don't worry, the distance isn't that bad. In fact, it's shorter than the flights west, and almost everyone's going on vacation so the passengers are pretty friendly."  
  
Mary smiled at her. "How long have you been working here?"  
  
Rachel laughed, "Oh, I know I don't look it, but I'm one of the old foggies here. I've been here for over two years, since the airline first started."  
  
They chatted companionably for the remainder of their prep time. Then Anderson – Jane Anderson, Mary reminded herself – came by to let them know that the passengers were about to board. She looked at Mary and Rachel, frowning, but then turned around without saying anything, much to Mary's relief. She didn't want to ruin Rachel's impression of her with the story of her messing up the kosher meal.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The flight was uneventful and passed quickly. Mary was surprised when she realized they were about to descend. Anderson left soon after the passengers, but Mary and Rachel were responsible for a last check of customer items.  
  
"Well, that wasn't too bad, was it?" asked Rachel encouragingly.  
  
Mary laughed. She found herself feeling more optimistic about this job than she had since training started.  
  
"So, what are you planning to do in Puerto Rico?" Their next flight wasn't until the next day.  
  
"I don't know," said Mary. "I haven't been here before. I thought maybe just go to the beach for a bit, or wander around town."  
  
"Great. That's basically what I have planned, so why don't we head off together? You're staying at the Central Hotel, right?" Mary nodded. She liked Rachel, but her level of enthusiasm was a little overwhelming. Perhaps that's what made her such a good employee. She gave herself a quick mental shake. She smiled. She'd wanted to make friends and here was an opportunity.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After dropping their bags off at the hotel and changing into much cooler shorts and t-shirts, they headed towards Old San Juan by bus.  
  
Rachel had been there previously and spoke Spanish so she played host. Mary listened to her stories about adventures inside the walls of the old part of the city. They passed the "Plazuela de la Rogativa" (Plaza of the Procession, Rachel translated). In the centre was a modern sculpture commemorating how a procession of women carrying torches and bells scared away a British attack by making them think that the city was well guarded. The governor had prayed for divine intervention, and the women had been inspired to provide it.  
  
"Isn't it wonderful what prayer can accomplish?" Rachel concluded.  
  
"Umm. Yes." Mary was surprised at the reference to religion, but Rachel didn't seem to notice, merely smiling at her as she pushed open the door of one of the local cafés.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"You don't mind if I pray before we eat, do you?"  
  
"No, of course not. I do too." Well, not all the time. You couldn't really pray when you were grabbing a hot dog off a hot dog stand could you? And when she ate at home it seemed funny to be praying alone.  
  
She bowed her head as Rachel said a few brief words.  
  
"Amen."  
  
"Amen."  
  
They ordered frijoles negros (black-bean soup) which Rachel told her was a local favourite. Rachel chose it assuring Mary that it was very good, and also explaining that, where she was vegetarian, it was her best option. They make it without meat here, she said. Mary thought guiltily of her earlier mix-up on the kosher meal and hoped Rachel wouldn't hear about it. At least it wasn't the vegetarian one, she thought.  
  
They finished the meal with a large, round green fruit – breadfruit Rachel called it. It tasted a bit like sweet potato. Then sat in companionable silence sipping the strong black coffee typical of the area, and listening to a band that had struck up a tune just down the road.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The flight back was as uneventful as their earlier one. Mary found herself looking forward to her next trip out. She and Rachel exchanged phone numbers. Only afterwards did Mary remember that having her phone number wouldn't do Rachel much good. Her paycheque would be in by the end of the week. Maybe if she wrote the cheque now they'd let it go through. 


	2. Meeting

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By the next week her phone was hooked back up, but she'd forgotten to pay her rent and didn't have enough left to cover it. One of her first calls was from her credit card company's debt collection agency. She pretended they had the wrong number, then hung up without saying good-bye. The phone rang again, but she didn't pick it up.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She saw Rachel the next week when they had a flight to Puerto Rico together again.  
  
"Hi Mary! I tried calling you but couldn't get through."  
  
Mary smiled weakly. "We had some problems with our phone lines last week."  
  
"Too bad. That kind of thing can be a real pain."  
  
They passed another pleasant flight and afterwards went to Capilla del Cristo in Old San Juan which is known for its santos - carved religious figures. Mary picked out a set that represented the Three Kings while Rachel looked on making comments about the use of local dyes and materials.  
  
"I love the story of the three kings, don't you? I think it's really inspirational, the way they recognized the truth and sought after it."  
  
Mary smiled. Though it had made her a little uncomfortable at first, she'd gotten used to Rachel's frequent references to Bible stories. It seemed strange to her now that coming from a Minister's family she wasn't used to making reference to the Bible. She envied Rachel's certainty. Lucy had always had that.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When they returned to New York, Rachel asked if Mary'd be interested in attending a party with her the next evening. Mary had a sense of forboding as she remembered the last couple of parties she'd gone to, but her fears were quickly allayed when Rachel told her that it was a church-run event. You might find us a bit tame, she warned. Mary smiled. Tame was fine.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Her phone was ringing when she came home. She'd dreaded picking it up every since the call from the debt collection agency. More bills piled on her table. She'd been paying them as she could but didn't seem to be making much headway. Glancing at the clock, she realized that it was probably too late for the agency to be calling. Her landlady Mrs. Corning always went to bed early so it was probably safe. She picked up the phone.  
  
It was Lucy.  
  
Almost as bad as the alternative.  
  
Lucy'd started taking her desire to be a minister more seriously in the last few months. The result was heightened dramatics whenever the religious health of her siblings came up. Last time she'd spoken to her father Mary had heard Lucy in the background expressing "concern" about Mary's not joining a church yet. Mary'd been working most Sundays since her training had finished. Before that she'd just been too tired. Too tired of religion. Maybe that was it. Well, tonight she had something good to report. She told Lucy about the party she was going to with Rachel. It was church-affiliated, after all.  
  
"Well … that's great Mary." Did she sound just a little disappointed? Tough.  
  
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Mary was looking in the mirror doing some last minute primping when she heard the toot-toot that indicated that her ride was there. Rachel had explained that the church had its own van to pick up people without easy transport. Well, it would save her a transit fare that she couldn't afford.  
  
She grabbed her purse and ran downstairs.  
  
She was surprised to see a full-length school bus. It was painted in slightly garish colours with a not quite professional picture of a rising sun on one side and a rainbow on the other. In the middle, lettered in several colours were the words "Children of the New Promise". "So hokey," Mary thought, relaxing.  
  
She saw Rachel on the steps and was relieved. Rachel grinned at her. "Hi Mary!" The whole bus echoed "Hi Mary!" and rocked with laughter.  
  
She entered the bus and saw that it was already almost filled to capacity. Rachel pointed to an empty front seat. "I've saved you a place." Mary smiled thankfully.  
  
The ride to the church was a raucous one, but the cacophony was one of which even Lucy would have approved. With great enthusiasm passengers sang through the songs that Mary remembered from childhood. It brought back warm memories of Sunday School. She'd loved it when she was little. It was only later that … but she wasn't going to think about that now.  
  
When they turned off the road Mary was surprised to see that the huge archway with the sign "Children of the New Promise" marked the beginning not merely of a church property, but of a whole community of buildings.  
  
Rachel must have seen her puzzled look. "A lot of members joined together a few years ago to form a sort-of co-op." She explained. "Actually, I'm one of them. It's a really nice community and it's quite a lot cheaper than renting in the city."  
  
"That must be nice." Mary looked at the modern buildings with some envy.  
  
"Oh look. Here's the Church."  
  
The church was a modern, low bricked building. The bus drove up to a parking spot at the back of the building and everyone piled out. Rachel introduced Mary to people as they walked towards the front steps. Mary struggled to remember the names of the faces all with identical smiles.  
  
Inside, the church had a festive air. There was punch on a refreshment table. "Non-alcoholic, of course," Rachel had whispered to her. Mary nodded, glad that Rachel couldn't see her blush in the darkened room.  
  
People were dancing in an area cleared for the purpose. Mary recognized the song as one that she'd heard on the local Christian Music station in Glenoak.  
  
Rachel pulled her over to one of the tables where a group of people all about Mary's age sat. "Hi guys! This is Mary." An enthusiastic chorus of "Hi Mary"s followed. "Mary," Rachel continued, "This is Mark." She pointed at a cute blonde. He smiled at her. Dimples. She loved dimples. "This is Charity." A tall blonde waved a hand. Mary fingered her own not- so-natural blonde tresses self-consciously. The roots were growing in. "That's Peter." Mary smiled at him. His dark hair reminded her of … no, she wouldn't think of that. "And lastly this is Elizabeth." "But everyone calls me Bitsy." Pointing self-deprecatingly at her limited stature, evident even when sitting.  
  
"It's really great to meet you, Mary." The blonde one was speaking – Mark. "Rachel's told us all about you. We've been hoping you could come."  
  
Mary felt a twinge of unease. Her experience of people knowing "all about" her hadn't usually been good. But Mark and the others seemed genuinely delighted to meet her. Like Rachel, they all seemed buoyed over with enthusiasm.  
  
People came over to see Rachel and the others, and these people greeted Mary with the same warm enthusiasm that the others had.  
  
She went over to the refreshment table with Rachel, grabbed a plate and selected a variety of items from the selection on the table. All vegetarian, she noticed, but it was pretty good. They sat down together and talked about their family and jobs. Mary was surprised with how comfortable she felt confiding in such recent acquaintances, but they really seemed interested and concerned about her. She told them about her father being a Minister and all the pressure she'd always felt trying to live up to his standards. She talked about her siblings – all seemed to have an easier time at school than she had. She even told them about her dream of being a basketball player when she'd been in high school. Mark started to ask her about that. She was grateful that they were interrupted by the screech of a microphone being turned on. The whole room let out a groan.  
  
Mary could just make out the person tapping on the microphone over the heads of the other people there. He must be the Minister. She prepared herself for the type of pedantic sermon that her father insisted on at some point during youth events at his church.  
  
"I'll keep this short," he began, and was greeted with wild applause. Mary smiled, her father had never had gift for keeping his sermon's brief.  
  
"As most of you know, I'm Pastor David. I just want to remind everyone of a few things. The Choir will start their practice half an hour early tomorrow. Bob tells me you're working on a great new song for Sunday's praise service that needs just a little tweeking. (Laughter) We also need volunteers for a couple of small projects (Exaggerated groans. Some laughter) Now, come on, you know it's not that bad. This week we're trying to pull up the last of our vegetable garden, and we need to set up a work crew to make some 'minor' repairs (again groans) on the green house. We're not sure how it happened, but if the owner of this football would like to retrieve it, it'll be in my office." He smiled, more laughter.  
  
"Lastly, and the most pleasant part for me. I'd like to welcome our visitors and ask them to say a few words."  
  
Mary looked at Rachel, questioningly. Rachel shrugged and smiled. "No big deal," she said. "Just say a little about yourself. You know, where you come from, that kind of thing."  
  
The Minister called out a number of names, Mary's last.  
  
Mary stood up, nervous.  
  
She looked around her. Everyone smiling, encouraging. "I'm Mary Camden." She said, "I've just moved here from GlenOak." She paused and looked around, not sure what else to say. More smiles. More nodding encouragement. "And … I'm really happy to be here." And when she looked around again at all the smiling, encouraging faces she realized to her surprise that she really meant it. 


	3. Can and Should

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Over the next few weeks Mary's life developed into a pleasant routine – mostly pleasant. Rachel had pulled some strings and they were now assigned together to the Puerto Rico flight for most of the workweek. It meant she wasn't travelling to Glenoak very often. When she spoke to her family she expressed regret about the length of time between visits. Privately, though, she admitted to herself that she felt some relief at having more freedom from them.  
  
She still hadn't gotten to know very many people at work, partly because she and Rachel worked together so often, but her circle of friends significantly expanded through the church group where she spent most of her non-work time. There were activities most evenings, sometimes entertaining, sometimes related to the running of the co-op.  
  
There were some not so pleasant aspects to her life.  
  
Her bills still seemed to pile up beyond her ability to pay them. Rather than making headway into paying them off she seemed to be falling farther behind. The end of the month was approaching and she was already behind in her rent by two months. She'd managed to avoid Mrs. Corning so far.  
  
Her calls to her family were never enjoyable. That was nothing new, but she felt an added pressure now because for the first time they'd started saying things that suggested they were starting to see things to admire in her. Her father had even said something about how she seemed to be growing more responsible. She'd been on the point of asking him for a loan, and then just couldn't.  
  
Her family was very enthused about her becoming so involved with "her" church. Everyone at the church really seemed to like her. Even there, though, she felt afraid of falling short. For example, the vegetarianism. While the food was okay, she found herself sneaking out to McDuffy's for a hamburger when she could. She couldn't very often. When she wasn't at church she was usually with Rachel whose constant reference to meat as "dead animals" made her lose her appetite. When she did go back to her apartment, the New Promise Bus drove her right to her front door, far away from a convenient fast food outlet.  
  
She'd never specifically said she'd become vegetarian but she felt the unstted expectation that she would be. At the end of one Bible study session, when pastor David asked if there were any questions, Mary, who'd usually stayed silent during the sessions, raised her hand and said, "I don't understand why we need to have a vegetarian diet. I thought it said somewhere that all foods were okay."  
  
He smiled at her warmly, encouragingly. "Well, Mary, there are a lot of reasons for us to recognize that God wants us to be vegetarian. It's true that the Bible says that we 'can' partake of any kind of flesh but it doesn't say we should necessarily do so. (Acts 10:9-15)  
  
At the time there weren't easy alternatives for people that wished to be vegetarian, but now there are so why would we want to cause harm to God's creatures unnecessarily?  
  
Mary struggled with her thoughts. She'd noticed many times that her knowledge of the Bible seemed oddly lacking compared to others in the group. It seemed funny given that she was a Minister's daughter. "But didn't Christ eat meat? I know he ate fish."  
  
"Well, that's an interesting question, Mary." Again, encouraging, patient. "In fact, there's an argument to be made that Christ didn't eat meat. There is a verse (John 4:8) that was originally translated as meat, but the Greek word used actually means nutrition in a more general sense and nowadays it's usually translated as food. Christ is never said to eat "kreas" (the Greek word for meat). Although he's said to have eaten fish, one has to keep in mind that the word for fish (ichthys) was an acronym for Christ's name and used as a symbol of Christ, and may not have been meant to be taken literally.  
  
There's also harm to ourselves to consider. Looking at the story of Daniel, we know that a vegetarian diet without wine is an aid in looking after ourselves. (Mary frowned, trying to remember which one Daniel was. Then she remembered Aunt Julie and nodded with everyone else.)  
  
It's been well-established that we can best maintain that health through a vegetarian life-style. People who eat meat and eggs are about three times as likely to contract breast cancer, ovarian cancer and prostate cancer, as those who eat a meat-less egg-less diet. The risk of a heart attack in men is more than three times higher among those who eat meat than among those who don't. (Mary shivered, remembering her father's heart attack).  
  
Even if we agree that he ate meat, that was before all the ethical problems with the way we raise meet now were a concern. The type of harm to God's creatures is greater now with the intensive farming practices that supply most of our meat.  
  
There's another difference between the time when Christ was alive and now, can you think what that was? (A pause. Mary had to shake her head) Well Mary, as the Bible says, "Christ died for sins once for all" 1 Peter 3:18 With his death the reconciliation between man and animals became possible. (2 Corinthians 5:19) Prior to that animal sacrifices were required for forgiveness (Hebrews 9:22, 26) but Christ's blood made the death of animals unnecessary. Indeed it provided a far superior sacrifice. So who are we to return to the lesser relationship with God? (People chuckled).  
  
Remember: John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the 'world' that he gave his one and only Son". Not just humans. God's promises have always included animals. For example, God provided the means of survival to animals as well as humans during the Flood. His demand for a sacrifice during the Passover in Egypt protected both humans and animals. (Exodus 11, 12, 13)  
  
God's original plan for man didn't include a diet with meat. When God blessed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden he refers to giving them "every green plant for food" (Genesis 1:29-30). Prior to the Flood people didn't eat meat, and that's why Noah could gather animals into the ark. Only after the flood does God say that just as the green plants were earlier given to them for food now the animals were given into their hands. But remember, there would have been little or no vegetation so eating meat was a necessary evil. The price we paid for this necessity was that animals thereafter would have a fear and dread of man.  
  
Right now, we've entered a new period of wickedness. Look at the description of the earth in the time of Noah: "… the earth was corrupt in God's sight and was full of violence" (Genesis 6:11) Doesn't it fit the period we live in now? (Mary thought of the war and joined the others in chorusing "Thank you Staff Sgt. Dwight J. Morgan"). If we're to come through this period of sin, and experience the new promise of God, we too must find unity with nature, and part of that unity is to refrain from causing that fear and dread among all God's creatures.  
  
God has also told us what to expect, what to aim for during this period of the new promise when Christ returns. Remember? (Everyone nodded, automatically).  
  
Even the lion will eat straw like the ox. ( Isaiah 11:7)  
  
And when that happens we'll find ourselves back in a new Garden of Eden." He concluded smiling at all of them. Everyone smiled back, nodding. And Mary found herself nodding too. 


	4. Change

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Coming back from a prayer meeting the following Friday, Mary had trouble opening the door to the building and was relieved when someone who was exiting the building let her in. She waved at the bus, and it drove off. She headed up the stairs to her apartment. There was a piece of paper on her door. She knew without looking what it said. She tried her key anyhow, but the lock had been changed.  
  
It wasn't too late yet.  
  
She considered her options. She could call Rachel for help. She'd told Rachel she had some debt problems, but hadn't told her everything. She looked at her watch again and shook her head as she calculated the time it would take to make the round trip.  
  
She knocked on her neighbor's door, heard the dog barking and foot steps coming towards the door. Her neighbor gave her a tight sympathetic smile, and let her in for the night.  
  
She spoke to Mrs. Corning the next day. She thought of objecting that she couldn't just be thrown out on the street without some sort of notice, but that would just be putting off the inevitable. She had enough money to pay for this month's rent, but even as she tried to negotiate she knew it wasn't enough. Mrs. Corning suggested she ask for an advance at work or try her parents, but Mary knew that her company didn't give advances and she just couldn't call her parents.  
  
She called Rachel instead.  
  
Waiting on the front steps with a suitcase beside her, Mary tried to rehearse what she could say to Rachel when she arrived. To her surprise it was Pastor David who drove up.  
  
He smiled at her sadly. It reminded her of the look her father had given her when he'd found out about the car. They didn't say much on the drive to the church. When they got there, he waved her into his office and pointed at a chair that she could sit in.  
  
"I understand from Rachel that you have significant debts beyond your rent. She felt it was important that I know, to see if I could help."  
  
Mary nodded.  
  
"Mary, I think you must realize how serious this is," he began. "I wish you'd come to us sooner. We really feel as though you're part of our family here at New Promise."  
  
Mary felt tears well up in her eyes. She looked down, confused. She'd been here before with her family, what was different?  
  
"One of the members of our congregation counsels people on dealing with debt."  
  
Maybe it was that she was accepted here.  
  
"I've given him a call"  
  
There she was the 'black sheep'.  
  
"He's agreed to meet you, to see if we can work out a solution to your problem."  
  
When you're the black sheep there's nothing to be sorry for if you mess up because that's all that black sheep do.  
  
"Would that be okay?"  
  
She nodded her head.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The debt counselor who introduced himself as Stephen frowned as he looked over the bills and letters that she'd brought with her. He'd enter numbers in his calculator, frown and then look back at the papers spread out before him on the desk. Finally, he showed the calculator display to Pastor David who also frowned, then shrugged his shoulders and nodded.  
  
"Mary, based on what you've told me there's no possibility that you can get yourself out of debt with your present salary and present expenses."  
  
She felt her chest tighten and her eyes begin to tear up.  
  
"But Pastor David tells me he's willing to make you a very generous offer."  
  
Pastor David continued, "Mary, Mrs. Corning is not willing to have you back, your credit card bills are overdue and you still owe quite a lot for hydro, on phone bills etc. As Pastor I'm authorized to make loans to people that are part of our community," Here he smiled. "and we do consider you part of our community. But I can only make out loans that have a reasonable chance at being paid and with your present expenses that seems unlikely." He paused. "However, I have a possible solution. You know we have a co-op here. We manage to keep costs quite low by all pitching in together with everyone doing a certain amount of volunteer work each week. What I'd like to suggest is that you consider moving here to bring down your expenses. You're obviously having trouble budgeting." He paused again, waiting for Mary to nod agreement before continuing. "So what we propose is that your paycheque be deposited directly into a church account. We'll give you an allowance to cover your basic needs, and use the rest to cover your room and board, and begin paying off your debt."  
  
Stephen, silent to this point, let her know that this was indeed a very generous offer. She nodded agreement, still numb. The forms were quickly drawn up and signed.  
  
When she'd signed Pastor David smiled at her. It was the smile that told her she was approved of, that she was loved. He held out his hand and she automatically reached out to grasp it.  
  
"Mary, we all make mistakes. The trick is to face those mistakes and grow from them." 


	5. Rules

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pastor David helped Mary carry her things to one of the residences. He had warned her that she'd find it quite small after having an apartment to herself, but she was glad to find out that she'd be sharing a room with Rachel and Charity rather than people she didn't know. Rachel looked relieved to see her. She squeezed her hand in greeting and offered to show her around the building and help her become acquainted with the rules.  
  
There were a lot of rules.  
  
There was a phone on the main floor. Noise was a problem so they were encouraged to keep their conversations relatively short. And there was no way to track who made each call so it was set up for local calls only. Though you could call collect. Well, Mary thought, at least she wouldn't have to worry about her phone bill adding up. People could phone in, but it wasn't encouraged. Usually no one was around to take messages. "It was really just luck that I was here when you called today. You can give out the church number for emergencies, though."  
  
No radio or TV either. "Most radio stations in the area play that awful rap music with its misogynistic themes, and even the best television shows have such awful values. Its really not appropriate in a church environment." Mary recalled the last 'family-values' oriented show she'd watched. The show's family members seemed to always be stalking one another. On reflection she thought she'd just as soon see nothing at all.  
  
They looked at the kitchen next. It was on the ground floor of their building. "Not too far to go in the winter, at least." Rachel said. "We have to do volunteer work every week, either in the kitchen or the gardens or around the church. You shouldn't find it too hard, you've already been doing a fair bit anyway." She smiled mischievously. "Just the same, sign up for kitchen duty if you can, it's the easiest."  
  
"We have study sessions most evening- I guess you usually leave before they start." Mary nodded. "Every building has its own group. I think you'll really like ours. Peter - you remember Peter?" Mary nodded. " - is the discipler for our group." Mary gave her a quizzical look "That just means leader." Mary nodded again. "Oh . you'll need a reflection journal." Mary looked at her quizzically again. "It's to aid in personal growth. We write about where we've fallen short each day and then talk about it with everyone else in our disciple session. It helps us grow spiritually."  
  
"After study sessions everything basically shuts down. Everybody goes straight to bed - unless they're doing something at the church, that is." Rachel hesitated and looked at Mary as though she was trying to say something but couldn't find the words. Then her smile switched back on and she said, "but that's the exception. You probably don't have to worry about it."  
  
Don't be late for meals. We pray before hand and it's kind of embarrassing to miss it. But if you have to be late, it's better late than never. Oh, I forgot to tell you, we're not allowed to have food in our rooms. Nothing except herbal tea." She saw Mary's questioning look. "Regular tea and coffee have caffeine in them. It's a drug, you know, so it's not allowed."  
  
They went back to their room and began to set out Mary's things. The room was quite crowded with three people in it, and it had a rather uninspiring view of the church parking lot. Still, as she unpacked her bags Mary reflected that things could be much, much worse. 


	6. Spirit of the Law

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Mary found her life falling into a routine once more, and it wasn't an unpleasant one. Most of her flights continued to be on the Puerto Rico route with Rachel, and their similar schedules meant that they spent quite a bit of their time together.  
  
Although they spent a lot of time together at work and at home there wasn't much private time for just talking. They scheduled their volunteer time in the kitchen together. Mary learned to cook. Her mother had always treated the kitchen as her private domain. It wasn't nearly as hard as Mary had been led to believe. She was surprised, with hindsight, at how far a mere handful of spaghetti seemed to go when her mother cooked it. The quantities of food they had to prepare for even a 'small' lunch were enormous.  
  
It was simple food, though. Mary was in charge of cooking the white rice or pasta that formed the basis of most lunches and suppers. She also prepared the no-name drink crystals that were the beverage of choice at the co-op. Rachel took care of preparing vegetables they'd harvested from the garden. "You wouldn't believe all the freezing and canning we had to do this autumn."  
  
Rachel, being more senior than Mary, was often out late volunteering in the church itself. Mary, not always able to get straight to sleep, sometimes saw her crossing the parking lot once she was done.  
  
Mary helped work on the new greenhouse in addition to her volunteer work in the kitchen. The church community was trying to become self-sufficient and a third greenhouse would help quite a bit with that.  
  
Besides their volunteer work they were also kept busy with study groups every evening they were in town.  
  
Most of these were bible studies involved a combination of lectures and activities. Mary's ability to memorize scripture earned her praised from Peter who acted as group leader.  
  
Once a week they had something everyone called a "confession session" when they were speaking of it informally. Officially it was a "period of reflection" because it was based on a discussion of the short-comings they'd written about and reflected on each day in their journals. Confession session was more descriptive, though.  
  
Sometimes Mary found herself questioning all the restrictions that came with living in the compound and she found these confession sessions were the most intrusive of them all. Every time she felt this way, there was a certain amount of guilt attached. After all, didn't the bible warn against having a sinful nature? Merely obeying the law was insufficient. One had to live in the spirit of the law so that one's thoughts as well as actions were in keeping with God's way. (Romans 7:5-7) Controlling those thoughts was a constant struggle, but not one she was required to undertake alone. That was the real value of the 'confession sessions'.  
  
Pastor David put it well: "As children of the new promise it's important that you let your lives be an open book to other followers. God warns us against the pride of assuming we know better than he. As new followers you must avoid the conceit that might cause you to question the true way. A true disciple has the humility to obey his discipler even if he doesn't comprehend the reason for his task. (Philippians 2:3) As Luke 6:40 tells us, you cannot be like your teacher until you are fully trained. God has brought you here to learn, and to learn you must have a willing, open soul. To distrust your discipler is to distrust God."  
  
We all know the saying that confession is good for the soul. To deny this is to deny our limitations. We must recognise fallibility in ourselves as well as others. Paul tells us that we can be forgiven if we confess. We must not deny this forgiveness to ourselves. And we must not deny this forgiveness to others. You are not helping others by keeping their sins a secret anymore than you would be helping yourself. Real love for fellow believers requires that you watch out for one another - be your brother's keeper. If you see another believer fall short, it's important to tell me or your discipler so they can receive help.  
  
Remember, God loves the humble heart. You are children of the new promise and to be worthy of that promise you must be humble enough to recognize your lack of knowledge." 


	7. Duties

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Even though their time together was in some ways limited, Mary valued her friendship with Rachel. It was the first time Mary had had a really close female friend since the group she knew through basketball had been disbanded. After that she'd been so busy dating that she hadn't really had time to make friends.  
  
It was with some concern that Mary started to notice a change in Rachel. She remembered when it had started. It was late in the evening and Charity was already dozing, but Mary had had trouble falling asleep and was sitting in the window looking out over the parking lot. This happened sometimes. She always made a point of getting back into bed once she saw Rachel was returning, but sometimes they'd be awake enough for a whispered conversation.  
  
She didn't know how she knew that something was wrong. Something in the way she walked. Reluctantly? Or was it too hurriedly? Stumbling slightly. Looking down. As Rachel drew nearer, Mary realized she was crying. There'd been a problem during their confession session earlier in the evening. Rachel had been called to the floor for coming late. Perhaps she was still upset about that. Pastor Bob had probably said something about it when she was working with him in the church. She crept over to her bed and was lying still when Rachel came in sniffling. She thought of speaking to her, and afterwards wondered if she should have, but at the time it seemed better to give her some privacy. There was very little of that to be had.  
  
Rachel had always seemed so self-assured, so certain. Mary had always had to stifle her doubts, but Rachel had always seemed to epitomize the focused child of the new promise that they all strove to be. Now it seemed it had just been a façade.  
  
"Do you ever have doubts . "  
  
"All the time, but usually not until too late!" Mary joked.  
  
Rachel seemed to take that pronouncement too seriously, so Mary told her about the TPing incident.  
  
Rachel stared at Mary in wonderment. Then burst out: "I can't believe you did that!" For a second Mary thought she'd told Rachel too much, but then Rachel started with a giggle and Mary joined her soon after. It really had been kind of funny. It was only later Mary wondered what Rachel had had doubts about.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Quite a number of people at the church had jobs at the airport. Mary grew to recognize many of them. Ann, whom she often worked with in the kitchen, was a stewardess too. Bitsy worked in one of the cafeterias. There was the fellow who gave her a friendly wave through security when she was running late. Charity had a job with the cleaning staff.  
  
Mary'd always understood that the church valued the contributions they could make to the church through their jobs. Financially she felt a bit guilty that she couldn't give more, but most of her paycheque went to paying off her debt. Financial contributions weren't the only kind of benefit to be had from this sort of job, though. Just as Rachel had engaged in outreach in brining her into the church, so Mary too could bring in new members. At least in theory. Somehow in practice it never seemed to work out. She felt guilty about it. She was the only one in her group who hadn't brought someone else to New Promise. Pastor David's talks often centered on their relationship to nature or the need to work hard at making the church a successful community.  
  
"After the flood, God commanded Noah and all his descendants to 'Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.' (Genesis 9:1, 7) Like Noah we have land that requires stewardship. We too should seek out new members so that we can fully develop the land over which we have stewardship."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Mary had occasion to be grateful for the help of other church members at the airport. The allowance she'd negotiated when she'd made the arrangements to pay off her debt through the church was quite small. After paying for her work expenses she had very little left over. If she missed a meal at the church or her flight was delayed, she'd occasionally take advantage of Bitsy's position to grab at least a roll or piece of fruit while she was waiting. Unfortunately Bitsy wasn't always working when Mary needed this sort of help.  
  
It was on such an occasion that Mary saw Jane Anderson for the first time in months. She was well enough established in her job that she no longer felt the trepidation that she had when she first began working there. Jane saw her, paused in the middle of a stride, then greeted her surprisingly warmly.  
  
"Mary, I haven't seen you in quite some time."  
  
"I guess we're not usually assigned to the same flights."  
  
"That's true. I've been doing the western routes most of the time. Are you busy now? We could catch a bite to eat together."  
  
Mary felt her stomach rumble at the thought of food. "I can't. I didn't bring any money with me."  
  
"Not a problem. I'll treat." Jane led her up to the counter and ordered two specials.  
  
They sat down together at a table in the corner which had a view of the planes taking off.  
  
"So how are you finding the work so far Mary?"  
  
"Fine." She bit into one of her french fries. "It's good, actually."  
  
"You're making some friends?" Jane squirted mustard on her hamburger then looked up.  
  
"Sure. You know Rachel, who does the Puerto Rico flights with me?"  
  
"Right. I think I heard that you'd moved into a . residence with her?"  
  
"Yes. It's affiliated with a church. Children of the New Promise. It's a sort of co-op." One of the cleaning people was clearing up the next table and Mary found she had to raise her voice slightly to be heard over the clutter.  
  
"And how are you finding that?" The question was innocuous, but Mary found the intensity with which it was asked somewhat disconcerting. She bit into her sandwich.  
  
"It's fine."  
  
Jane cleared her throat and took a sip of her coffee. "Quite a few people who live there seem to have gotten jobs at the airport."  
  
"Yah, it makes it easier to get rides into work." She took another bite. "I think a few of them have helped others get their jobs." Another bite. She chewed. "And, of course, some of them found out about the church through their co-workers. The way I did through Rachel."  
  
"Of course." Jane fiddled with her napkin. "Mary have you ever . ?" But the question was interrupted by an announcement over the speakers requesting that Mary Camden come to security.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When she arrived at security she asked what the announcement had been for. "I saw this purse left behind at the security desk and thought it might be yours, but" the security guard pointed to the purse slung over her shoulder, "I can see I was mistaken. I hope I didn't interrupt anything important?"  
  
"No. Just saying 'hi' to a co-worker."  
  
"Well." He smiled at her. "No harm done then." 


	8. Guilt

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She could still feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She should have known it was coming, but somehow she just hadn't.  
  
She'd sat down for their disciple session along with everyone else, chatting with Rachel, smiling over at Bitsy. The session started with a group chant that helped them focus. The lights were turned off. The room was dimly lit by flickering candles. The girls formed one circle and the boys another and they massaged each other's shoulders. Mary and the other girls chanted: "A-na gha-bee-ya." Pastor David had told them that it was a way to focus on the quality of their spirituality.  
  
Mary found it so easy to lose track of time when they did this. There was something about the repetitive action, repetitive noise and flickering candles that seemed to mesmerize her. It wasn't unpleasant, but afterwards she always felt she was wading through pudding, trying to focus her mind.  
  
She felt herself drifting off as Peter began the night's discussion which focused once again on the need to maintain the purity of their mind and body. She stifled a yawn and tried not to slouch too much in her seat.  
  
"Mary." Mary started. Her mind had been wandering. "Have you maintained the level of purity of mind and body required of a child of God this week?"  
  
"Yes . . . I think so." Something in his tone made her think she must not have done. She fumbled through her reflection journal trying to think what she could have done wrong. She could feel everyone watching her. "I think so." She repeated more doubtfully.  
  
But she hadn't, of course. She'd had that hamburger with Jane. She'd forgotten until he mentioned it. She stumbled through an explanation. She just hadn't thought of it. It had been the special. Jane had been treating, it would have been rude . . . . Her explanations were met with blank stares from others in the group. Peter cleared his throat as she drew to a halt.  
  
She'd seen it happen to other people, but she'd never been called on the floor herself. She could taste the hamburger - burnt animal flesh - in her mouth and found herself feeling nauseous. It seemed to last forever. This condemnation. She found herself begging the group's forgiveness, asking for their guidance.  
  
And she was forgiven. For this was a Christian group and they always acted as God commanded: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." (Luke 17:3)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Back in their room, Rachel started to say something, but thought better of it and left the room to give Mary some privacy.  
  
The privacy didn't last very long. Charity came in to let her know that Pastor David wanted to see her.  
  
Mary stood up nervously, smoothing her skirt. She looked over at Charity hoping for some reassurance that it couldn't be that bad, but Charity had her back to her and was not, in any case, the sort to give comfort. She straightened resolutely, went down the stairs and walked across the parking lot to the Church.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Her feelings of resolution had faded by the time Pastor David was free to see her. She'd had several minutes to wonder what might happen. Was this the sort of thing she could be kicked out for?  
  
But when he was finally finished with his phone call and turned towards her he was smiling.  
  
"I understand that you're going to see your family for Christmas, Mary. I wonder if I could ask you a favor."  
  
She nodded, relieved.  
  
"I have a present for a friend in Glenoak but I've left it too late to send by regular mail. Do you think . . . ?  
  
There was no need for him to finish the request. "Of course," she said. Determined to earn back the group's trust.  
  
"Promise me you'll be careful." he said as he handed the rectangular package to her. "It's fragile."  
  
"Don't worry." She took the package in one hand and the paper with the address in the other. "I'll take good care of it. Cross my heart." 


	9. Going Home

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Her flight to California was the first one she'd had without Rachel in over a month. Rachel had been very much against Mary going home for the holiday. Even Peter, the group leader, had spent time cautioning Mary. "It will be easy to slip into old ways," he'd said. "Remember to study your bible each night, and don't let anyone talk you into eating 'dead animals'".  
  
It was only going to be for a few days, but she was dreading the visit to her family. Her mood was not enhanced when her departure from the co-op was delayed by some last minute tasks. She caught a lift to the airport and rushed over to the security gate. Luckily one of the other members was there and, recognizing that she was late, he waved her through with only a cursory glance at her bag.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As it happened, she'd worried for nothing. The flight was delayed due to an engine problem with the original plane they'd been assigned, and passengers were told they'd be taking an overnight flight instead. Mary found herself with several hours of free time before she needed to board. She headed over to the bookstore. She hadn't had the time to read a novel in ages. She was always so busy with the church.  
  
Browsing, she let her eyes wander, noticing the other customers. One in particular caught her eye. He looked so familiar. She moved closer, and then he turned around and she recognized him.  
  
"Mary?" he asked.  
  
She smiled shyly, "Hi Ben."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She felt slightly guilty. It wasn't that long ago that she would have given her right arm to have his attention. How had she managed to lose touch with him so completely?  
  
They sat side by side together - he with a coffee, she with a herbal tea. He was heading up to Glen Oak too, to spend the holiday with his brother. His mother was spending the holidays in Europe. He seemed disappointed when she told him she'd only be in the city for a few days.  
  
She remembered a time when his acting this way would have thrilled her. Now, though, it seemed like such a distant thing, her interest in him.  
  
Still, as they spoke she found herself relaxing. She told him about her church and all the things they were doing there.  
  
"It sounds as though they really keep you busy."  
  
"Yah, they do I guess." She said.  
  
"Maybe I could come out and help with one of your painting parties. They wouldn't object too much to a good ol' Catholic boy lending a hand, would they?"  
  
"No. Many hands make light work and all that." She found herself looking forward to seeing him again.  
  
He leaned towards her, but was distracted when he accidentally pushed against the bag which lay between them. He'd hit the edge of the box Pastor David had given her - hard even within her carry-on. He sat back again. "Geez, Mare. What you got in the bag?"  
  
"Oh. Christmas presents."  
  
The conversation turned to the need for last minute shopping. Mary had bought most of her presents through the Church-run bizarre where she got a discount as a member. They were small, but she'd thought them out carefully and was rather pleased with the results. For her mother, she'd chosen a quilted apron in colors that matched the kitchen. For her father she'd picked a really nice woven tie in a pretty chartreuse. For Matt she'd bought homemade shampoo that she'd been assured would get out the toughest grease. For Lucy, her find was some great powder that'd help give her skin that nice dewy look. She'd had a hard time settling on something for Simon and for Morris who was spending the holidays with them. She'd finally settled on the same thing for each of them - a Christmas tree decoration stuffed with vanilla beans so it smelled really nice. The woman had sold it to her told her it was supposed to help attract one's true love. Looking over at Ben, she wondered if she should have gotten herself one. Then there was Ruthie. She knew how much teenagers like Hello Kitty, and so she'd bought her a Hello Kitty journal where she could write all her thoughts now that she was becoming a woman. She'd forgotten to pick up anything for the twins, but she had a day before Christmas and knew she'd have no trouble finding something with all the great shopping in Glenn Oak.  
  
Ben had had similar problems finding presents for his family, and they joked about disastrous Christmas presents given and received in the past.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When their flight finally boarded they found themselves sitting together near the front of the plane. They were heading west towards the sun but it was partially hidden behind large fluffy clouds. It was the type of sight that always made Mary think of those pictures of heaven with light streaming through the clouds. She looked at Ben and smiled. He leaned over her bag towards her, this time carefully avoiding the sharp corners of the box that protruded from it. "Mary, sometimes I think I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you." As the plane took off Mary, feeling his hand gently trace the line of her cheek, couldn't help thinking that that wouldn't be a bad thing. 


	10. Soul

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
If her parents were surprised to see her and Ben exiting the plane together early the next morning, they were careful not to show it. If anything they looked pleased. They offered Ben a drive into town.  
  
On the way home her parents told her about friends of hers that were in town. Heather was working overseas teaching English and couldn't come back for the holidays, but most of the others had been able to. Corrie was back from Yale for the holidays. It must have been nice to have a scholarship Mary thought, trying not to feel bitter. Melissa had just started teacher's college. Amanda and Erin were both married and had gotten jobs in town - Amanda at the library and Erin at the hairdresser's. Alison wasn't doing so well. She, like Mary, had gotten into the Diversion Program but lost her scholarship. She'd had a series of jobs, but hadn't found anything permanent.  
  
"Sounds like me." Mary thought. "Like I was." She corrected herself.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Simon was watching Sam and David play with Happy in the front yard and waved at them as they pulled into the driveway. Happy meandered over to see who'd arrived and barked happily as she recognized Mary, bringing her the stick that one of the twins had just thrown. Mary patted the shaggy head. Then pulled her hand away. Perhaps she should have gotten the dog some shampoo too.  
  
Ben pulled himself out of the car and the twins ran towards him. "Hey guys." The twins ran up to him. He lifted them up, one in each arm and swung them around. They squealed and started tugging him towards the house when he put them down, then raced ahead to let Lucy and Kevin know they'd arrived.  
  
Ben and Mary followed, hand-in-hand.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Later in the morning Mary hitched a ride to the mall with Kevin and Ben who had their own last minute shopping to do.  
  
Mary needed to look or something suitable for the twins. Perhaps they could share a book, she thought.  
  
When she got to the mall she headed straight for the bookstore. Before she reached it she was startled to hear her name called, and turned around to see Alison walking towards her. Mary smiled back at Alison, feeling slightly uncomfortable. They'd been such good friends when they'd been on the basketball team together, but had fallen out of touch and having listened to her parents' analysis of Alison's life made her feel as though she'd been gossiping about her friend. The awkwardness fell away quickly in the face of Alison's joy in seeing her. They finished their shopping together. Alison was buying a present for her five-year-old nephew and they found some nice t-shirts in the right size for both him and the twins. Afterwards, Alison invited Mary back to her house for lunch. They met Ben and Kevin who offered them a lift.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Mary had been a bit nervous about seeing Mr. MacDonald again. After all, she'd been part of the group that Alison had been with when she'd gotten in so much trouble. But Mr. MacDonald seemed very pleased to see her. He asked her about her job and was pleased to hear about how involved she'd become with her Church. "Alison has a possibility of entering a college program in Buffalo." He informed her.  
  
"Daaad. We've been over this. I'm just not comfortable going that far away. I'd feel like I was in exile."  
  
He didn't say anything, but just gave her a hug and smiled a bit sadly. They had a nice lunch together - grilled cheese sandwiches so Mary didn't have to explain the vegetarianism.  
  
Later when he drove her home, Mr. MacDonald asked Mary some more pointed questions about the co-op. He nodded his head. "It's exactly what she needs," he said, "structure, a sense of purpose. I know your father meant well when he backed up the coach on his decision to lock the gym, but it just seemed as though Alison lost her sense of direction after that."  
  
Mary nodded her head. She knew exactly what he was saying.  
  
"How hard is it to get into this residence, Mary? Are there places available on a regular basis?"  
  
Mary hesitated for a second. She wasn't sure why. But then she nodded her head. There were always places available.  
  
Before dropping her off, Mr. MacDonald found out the contact information from her. "It can't hurt." He smiled at her ruefully and wished her a Merry Christmas.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Mary came back to chaos.  
  
Happy had died.  
  
David had been playing with her. Tossing her a stick. He'd been warned not to toss it too far, but his aim was still not great, and he'd sent it flying into the road way. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem. It was a quiet street. It had just been bad luck that Glass's came driving around the corner just then.  
  
It wasn't my fault. David protested. No one said anything, either to blame or reassure, which was probably worse than recriminations would have been. Mary picked him up, gave him a hug and carried him indoors.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When she entered the dining room the food was already being passed around. She noticed that she'd been served turkey and wondered how she could not eat it without making a fuss.  
  
David was looking upset, and she realized why when she heard Lucy tell her father: "Well there's no point lying to him. Happy can't have gone to heaven. It's not like animals have souls."  
  
Compassion had never really been Lucy's strong point, Mary reflected. On some level it was always more important to her to be acknowledged to be an expert, to be right. She had the brains to be a minister, but not really the heart.  
  
"Yes they do." Mary said as she sat down. The whole table seemed to pause. "Have souls I mean." Mary looked over at Lucy. "It's a translation problem. The same word 'nephesh' was translated as 'soul' or 'being' when it referred to humans (Genesis 2:7), and 'creature' for animals (Genesis 2:19), but it's actually the same thing. The Bible also tells us in a couple of spots that there are animals in heaven. Isaiah 65:25 and Revelations 5:13, for example." She paused then, seeing David out of the corner of her eye looking, if not happy, at least relieved. "Could you pass the peas please, Luce?" 


	11. Support

The rest of the visit was relatively uneventful. They spent the last evening together watching TV in the family room. Mary and Ben together on one side, Lucy and Kevin on the other. In the middle, Morris was sandwiched between Ruthie and Simon on the couch. Simon and Ruthie kept grabbing the blanket they were all sharing, and Morris began complaining that he was getting cold because their antics left his feet uncovered.  
  
Mary's feet were feeling cold too. They'd gotten wet when she'd spent part of the afternoon finding the person to whom she was delivering Pastor David's package. It was in a run-down neighborhood in the east end of town. She'd knocked on the door, hoping to be invited in out of the cold soaking rain that was falling, but the package had been grabbed from her and the door closed in her face. He must have been upset that she hadn't dropped it off before Christmas, she thought, but with her flight delay she just hadn't been able to do it.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was strange being back at the church, falling back into the routine. She'd been looking forward to seeing Rachel again, but Rachel seemed even more withdrawn than she'd been before the holidays.  
  
Mary was, as always, quite busy with church activities. Ben did, indeed begin coming to some of their work parties. He was quite comfortable on a ladder so he was a great help in painting those hard to reach places.  
  
He took to meeting her after her flights when his schedule allowed, and they'd drive back to the church together. Sometimes, if she didn't have a meeting or volunteer work scheduled, they'd go back to his flat. There wasn't much privacy at the church, and Mary found these brief interludes very enjoyable. She wasn't sure why, but she decided not to tell others in the community about them.  
  
Ben wasn't the only friend she'd brought into the church community, though. Alison had also joined and, after some initial reticence, had become very enthusiastic about taking part.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She'd brought two friends to the church, but she still felt guilty that she wasn't contributing to the church financially. So, when an opportunity to rectify the situation presented itself, she was eager to take part.  
  
The church was going to sell flowers to help raise money. There were going to be groups all over the city. Mary and Alison were dropped off together with Charity. Picking up one of the bouquets, Mary noticed that it had a tag that said "For cancer research" on it.  
  
"Cancer?" She looked at Charity questioningly.  
  
"Pastor David explained that to us. There was a special on, and sin is a type of cancer, anyway." Alison piped in.  
  
So they spent the day selling flowers 'for cancer', and did quite well, bringing in over $200 each during the day.  
  
Mary came back feeling much better about her contribution to the church. Pastor David had praised all of them for their hard work.  
  
Rachel hadn't joined them. She'd been feeling sick in the morning. She'd been sick quite a bit over the last week, and still looked rather under the weather when Mary bounced in, bringing one of the few unsold bouquets with her to brighten up the room.  
  
Rachel saw the tag, and looked up at her questioningly as Mary gushed about how well they'd done. Raising an eyebrow Rachel said, "So, you've been telling people it's for cancer. Isn't that illegal?"  
  
"But that's not important. We're helping the church." She'd been so pleased, why was everyone always seeing the negative side to things? As Mary stomped off Rachel pulled the covers back over herself.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A few days later she went back to her room and noticed that Rachel's bed was made, but all the things were gone from the top of her dresser. She went over to the dresser. Hesitated briefly. Then opened the top drawer. Empty. All of them.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"It's always hard when the people we think are our friends let us down."  
  
Mary nodded. She felt so guilty that she hadn't seen this coming. She'd been so busy with Ben and Alison. Rachel had just become quieter or quieter.  
  
"She wasn't a true believer, Mary."  
  
Mary could hear the echo of Rachel's question. "Do you ever have doubts . ?"  
  
She nodded again.  
  
Once saved, always saved. So she'd never really been saved.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Mary I have to ask you for a favor."  
  
She nodded absently.  
  
"You have another flight to Puerto Rico going out tomorrow, don't you?"  
  
Mary nodded again.  
  
"Rachel had been going to take a package to a friend of mine in Puerto Rico. It's time sensitive. Would you mind delivering it for me?"  
  
Mary took the package. It was lighter than the last one.  
  
"What's in it?"  
  
"Just paper."  
  
Taking the package, Mary went back to her room. At first, she couldn't understand why Rachel would leave without saying good-bye. Then she realized that she would, of course, see her on the next flight.  
  
In this she was disappointed, however. She was surprised to see Jane Anderson there instead.  
  
"Why isn't Rachel on this flight? I thought she was scheduled."  
  
She was hoping for information but all she got was: "I'm sorry Mary, but I'm not able to talk to you about Rachel's case. Our employee files are confidential." Jane paused and looked at Mary searchingly. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Mary?"  
  
Mary shook her head, puzzled.  
  
"Well." She pursed her lips. "If you change your mind, I'm here."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Ben met her afterwards. She was so looking forward to seeing him. She was upset about Rachel, and he seemed like the only person she could really talk to. She'd waited impatiently while her bag was searched on the way out of the airport. A new employee was doing it and he seemed to take forever.  
  
Finally, she was through. She ran up to Ben who presented her a bouquet of flowers - proceeds to cancer research. If only he knew, she thought. She waved at the person selling flowers in the lobby as they went by. 


	12. Yoked

Rachel turned out to only be her first loss. Ben stopped coming taking part in church activities as regularly. It happened quite suddenly. She knew it wasn't a problem between the two of them. He'd actually suggested that she move in with him. She was too embarrassed to tell him about her financial problems, and couldn't explain her reticence except to say that she didn't want to.  
  
"There's an extra room, Mary. It would work out fine. I wouldn't pressure you into having adult relations before you were ready."  
  
Mary just shook her head and was grateful when he stopped pushing the idea.  
  
Even though Ben was no longer taking part in church activities they made an effort to see each other at least once a week. Having become accustomed to see him every other day, this didn't seem very frequent.  
  
She couldn't understand why Ben would want to leave. He'd been made so welcome. She knew Pastor David had talked to him about moving into the co- op. If he had, they could have been together.  
  
Mary had never felt any pressure about her relationship with Ben. Perhaps because he'd done so much volunteer work. Usually members didn't date, or if they did it was to other people in the co-op.  
  
Pastor David explained the problem with such relationships with non- members.  
  
The Bible tells us: "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate," says the Lord. "And do not touch what is unclean; And I will welcome you." (2 Corinthians 6:14-17)  
  
"Paul's comments warn us about the dangers of associating with nonbelievers. It's easy to weaken when surrounded by nonbelievers. We all have friends and family who aren't members of the church, and we all know how difficult this can be. The Bible warns us of the dangers of these sort of relationships. "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.'" (1 Corinthians 15:33) Even if you have good character, you need to be careful when deciding on the people with whom you spend a lot of time.  
  
The Bible shows us that it's not possible for two people to live together in harmony unless they're in agreement about important things. (See Amos 3:3) Remember Abraham, who required that his son Isaac not marry a local, but rather someone of his own faith. (Genesis 24:3, 28:1) Similarly Moses reminds us not to intermarry with people that do not share our faith. "[Y]ou shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you and He will quickly destroy you." (Deuteronomy 7:3-4) Moses' admonition was based on the real experience of immorality that resulted from such mixed relationships. (Numbers 25:1-3) We have many examples of believers being tempted away from their faith when they associate with nonbelievers.  
  
Biblical examples tend to talk about marriage relationships, but the same reasoning can apply to dating relationships. As with a marriage, a dating relationship is one where you like, maybe even love the other person. You leave yourself open to your partner's thoughts, emotions and beliefs, making yourself vulnerable. Remember, we're told "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23) Even if you're not interested in marriage you risk your inner purity when you associate with non-believers. Besides, why date someone you can't marry?  
  
Of course, one needs to associate with non-believers to bring them into the church, but some types of relationships, family and dating, for example, can put more pressure on one than other kinds and present a real danger to true faith.  
  
It's important to bring non-believers to God, but you can't be a good witness if you're not firm in your own faith. So, there's no point in being around non-believers if doing so is damaging to you and won't help them. Witnessing to nonbelievers can be done for short periods of time with the knowledge that one will soon return to the safety of the church and fellow children of the new promise. Relationships that are built on longer term ties must necessarily be approached with more caution.  
  
If God really intends for you to be with that person, don't you think he'd bring that person to a knowledge of the true faith before allowing you to endanger yourself? If that person hasn't come to God, it's probably a sign that that person isn't really meant for you.  
  
God does not want his children to be corrupted by non-believers. Remember, those who are not for God are against him. What sort of a relationship can we have with people who are against the most important part of our lives - God?  
  
We all know how much hanging around with people can influence us. So, be careful of the friends you make."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
At the end of the sermon, Pastor David called Mary over.  
  
"Mary. I hope today's sermon spoke to you particularly."  
  
"You mean because of Christmas? But they're my family. They wouldn't understand if I hadn't gone."  
  
"Remember what the Bible tells us, Mary: 'fear God and keep His commandments'. (Ecclesiastes 12:13) Your first duty is to God, Mary. Not to family, and also not to friends."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Charity came with her when she made the phone call. They'd been going to meet for supper that night.  
  
"I can't go out with you." She blurted out.  
  
He must have sensed that she was upset. "That's okay Mary. What about tomorrow night?"  
  
She paused, could feel Charity looking at her.  
  
"No. I mean I can't go out with you anymore."  
  
He didn't say anything.  
  
"We're not of the same faith." She stumbled over a further explanation, conscious of Charity on the one end and Ben on the other.  
  
After a moment's silence he said, "I understand Mary. I just want to let you know that if you ever do need me. I'll be there for you."  
  
Mary said good-bye and hung up the phone. There was a time when she never would have considered saying good-bye to him that way. She'd really changed since joining the Children of the New Promise. 


	13. Focus

Charity was in front of her and Alison behind. They were chanting in a circle.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
The room was uncomfortably warm.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
She felt slightly dizzy from the flickering candles.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
Or maybe it was the kool-aid. On an empty stomach. Sugar always did that to her.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
She started to think about Ben, and stopped herself. She had to focus.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
Focus was one of the things they talked about in their confession sessions.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
One couldn't let one's mind be filled with doubts.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
The devil feeds on doubts.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
She had to struggle with her doubts. Why couldn't she be as good as the others.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
She opened her eyes. No one else was distracted the way she was.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
Pastor David passed by her, heading towards the front of the room. She closed her eyes guiltily.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
She willed herself to focus on that phrase, to block all other ideas out of her head.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. A-na-gha-bee-yah.  
  
Pastor brought the session to a close with a prayer. Make us worthy. We recognize our sinful nature. We recognize our frailty. We recognize our pride.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She listened to Alison afterwards. The chanting was still new to her.  
  
"It was amazing. It was like time stopped and everything just flowed."  
  
"Then I started to hear this weird humming, and I could see little sparks of light dancing in front of my eyes even though they were closed."  
  
" I felt almost weightless. It was as though the whole world was gone and I was just left there with God."  
  
The others nodded, smiling at her. Mary nodded and smiled too.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Another confession session. Alison was speaking to some people who had just joined about her experiences. Mary stifled a yawn. She could see Charity throw a glance her way. She hoped she hadn't noticed.  
  
"I was out of control. I was a servant to the demons of alcohol and drugs."  
  
Mary wondered when that had happened. In high school Alison had been pretty straight-laced even by Camden standards.  
  
"I broke into buildings and destroyed property."  
  
She was surprised. Alison's father had implied that things hadn't been going well, but she hadn't realized quite how serious it was.  
  
"And all that was by the age of sixteen. Joining the Children of the New Promise took me away from my life of crime."  
  
Mary looked up at Alison, feeling slightly incredulous. Well, technically TPing the gym had involved breaking and entering, and it was a type of destruction of property, but . . Charity was looking at her again. Mary carefully made her expression neutral. She didn't want to be reported.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She wore a mask. She hid her doubts. She smiled. She nodded. She listened.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"As you become more committed things will become much clearer."  
  
"Of course, it takes real courage to change yourself."  
  
"Some people can't accept they don't know everything."  
  
"We love you because you are transforming yourself."  
  
"I had trouble with that too, but then I realized that I just had get rid of all those doubts and just believe."  
  
"Perhaps you have a problem with trust."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They were always smiling. And hugging. She'd learned not to resist, though sometimes she had to fight not to take just one step back. Fight that impulse to have some breathing space. Feeling uncomfortable was a sign of doubt. Doubt was a sign of sin. Sin was evil and must be defeated.  
  
I will not doubt. I will not doubt.  
  
I must focus on what is important.  
  
A-na-gha-bee-yah. 


	14. Delivery

A few weeks later Pastor David asked her to pick up a package from Puerto Rico. It was from the same address at which she'd dropped off the last one.  
  
When she arrived at the airport, she passed her bag to the security guard to be searched. It seemed to take longer than usual. As she was waiting she looked around surprised at the number of new employees there.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She always enjoyed Puerto Rico, but it wasn't quite the same without Rachel. She thought of asking the other flight attendant to join her, but decided not to. She visited the sites she'd gone to with Rachel on her first trip. The fellow she was picking up a package from was near "Plazuela de la Rogativa". She knocked on the door. It was opened quickly. She was let in, given the package and pointed towards the door.  
  
The package was heavy and similar to the first one she'd carried for Pastor David.  
  
It weighed heavily in the bottom of the plastic bag she was carrying it in.  
  
She caught a taxi to go out to the airport. The package was beside her. She didn't want to put it in with her things.  
  
The taxi drove through a quiet neighborhood. Children playing with a skipping rope.  
  
"Unos. Dos. Tres. Cuatro."  
  
"Stop here." She told the driver, pointing at a corner store. "Wait." She ran inside with her purse and the bag. She bought a can of cola, looked at the garbage can by the till and quickly thrust the bag with the package into it.  
  
She went outside. Her taxi had left without her. Perhaps the driver thought her suitcase was worth more than the fare.  
  
She called another taxi and got to the airport on time. She wasn't surprised to find her handbag searched rather thoroughly on her return. She didn't know what they were looking for. She didn't want to know. Since there was nothing to find, she was eventually let go.  
  
When Pastor David later asked her what had happened to the package she was able to reply that her baggage was lost. If it wasn't the whole truth, it wasn't a whole lie either. 


	15. Knock

She left the church soon after, but it took a few months for her to track Rachel down. Fortunately several members of her family were quite good at locating people, and Detective Michaels, who'd recently transferred to Buffalo, was also able to help.  
  
Mary rang the door bell, and soon Rachel peered through the door window. After a brief hesitation Rachel opened the door slightly, leaving the safety chain on.  
  
"How did you find me?" she asked. Followed rapidly by "Are you alone?"  
  
"Yes, I'm alone. I asked my family to help me find you. They have a lot of contacts."  
  
"Your family? So, I guess you've left the church?"  
  
"Yes." She paused awkwardly. "Can I come in?"  
  
The hall was dimly lit and Mary stumbled as Rachel led the way to a door at the back of the building. She gestured for Mary to go in first.  
  
Mary looked around the small bachelor. She turned around to ask Rachel about it and stopped. She could see what had been hidden by the door and then the darkness of the hallway.  
  
Rachel, hand over her protruding belly, looked at her wryly and said "When he said we should 'be fruitful and multiply' you didn't think he was just referring to the gardening, did you?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"It's his?"  
  
"His or someone else's. I don't know. But don't worry, I was yoked with a believer."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"In a way I'm grateful. Before this" she waved her hand at her belly "I couldn't talk myself into leaving. It was comfortable - being told what to do, not having to make any decisions. My only responsibility was to follow Pastor David." She sipped her tea. "But, now I have to think beyond that."  
  
Another sip. "So, what about you?"  
  
"I didn't feel like I could leave. I owed all that money, and I got that loan."  
  
"They weren't your friends, Mary. They were using you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"They were using all of us." She hadn't said anything about her job.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You know what's funny, though? I sometimes miss the certainty I had when I first joined. That's what I really wanted. It was so nice to belong. To know what was right and wrong. Everything was made so simple."  
  
"How can you say it like that? How can you not be angry? When I think about it . . . How can you see good in the world knowing that someone could use your trust that way?"  
  
"I am angry. But I can't let myself believe that that single person is proof that everyone is like that. There is good in the world. There is a God. I think it was God that helped me get through this."  
  
"So, you'll reject one false prophet, but you'll keep looking for another?"  
  
"No. No more prophets. No more ministers. Just God. And myself."  
  
"I wish I could believe the way you do." Mary said at last. But even as she said it, she knew that on some level she did. Not all religion was bad. It could be misused, certainly, but the misuse was not proof of anything. She wouldn't let Pastor David's deceit or even the example of her sister's false pride, convince her otherwise. To do so would be to let them win.  
  
"I wish I could help with your rent and stuff." She trailed off, looking at the dingy apartment, sparsely furnished.  
  
"Are you kidding? You're doing worse than I am." She giggled. "But I would appreciate having a baby sitter."  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
They smiled at each other shyly. Maybe it had started the wrong way, but they were friends, real friends. It might not be simple. It might not be easy. But it was real.  
  
"The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?" -Henry David Thoreau 


	16. The Very Last Chapter

On the way home, she saw someone selling flowers. Doing a double-take she recognized Alison. She spoke out loud. "I've got to do something."  
  
After the car was parked, she headed back down the block to where Alison stood with her flowers. Alison hadn't seen her yet. She was speaking to a customer. "All money goes to cancer research." He smiled at her and bought a bouquet of bright red carnations. Alison was smiling blissfully.  
  
Then she caught sight of Mary.  
  
"You."  
  
She backed away.  
  
"Alison, wait."  
  
"Stay away from me."  
  
"Please listen."  
  
"You're . . . you're a child of the devil."  
  
Mary hadn't seen the van approaching. Its sliding side door opened. Alison leapt in without a further word. The door was slammed shut. There were no windows so everyone inside was entirely hidden from view.  
  
Mary turned her back to the departing vehicle. There was nothing she could do.  
  
We all do damage unwittingly.  
  
The trick is to face those mistakes and grow from them.  
  
She headed towards the car where Ben was waiting for her.  
  
  
  
THE END! 


End file.
